34

i don't think i've ever, ever felt as lonely as i do now.
yesterday i walked two miles with a guitar on my back and a tenor sax in my hand in the pouring rain, only to realize i was locked out of my house. nobody answered the phone when i called for help.

my two best friends like each other. i guess i've always felt a little bit third wheel, but now it's official. i know one will never hurt me on purpose, but i also now know that i've never actually meant much to the other. plus my only other best friend that really truly cares is going to college soon.

when i decided to come home today my dad was eating dinner all by himself. it hurts to think about how he eats dinner alone, every single night.

berk town

i love berkeley.
yesterday i sold half my wardrobe to a thrift store to buy records.

the newest additons to my collection:
the wild, the innocent, and the e street shuffle- bruce springsteen (12.95)
help-the beatles (3.99)
a hard days night-the beatles (5.99)
hey jude/revolution 45- the beatles (5.99)


vinly forever.

xoxo
caitlin

today/tomorrow

today:
-spent three hours taking pictures to try and make this movie thing. it didn't work.
-had a professional photographer tell me he likes my work. um, wow. check out www.matt2ten.com
-finished twilight. possibly one of the worst books i have ever read. ever.
-rode my bike because i don't pollute.
-played man hunt. i actually made the last one. it was epic. we destroyed so many bushes.
-sat in the street with ming and crissy and ate sour patch and pretzs and played cards until we decided it was cold and almost 11 and we probably shouldn't break curfew again.

tomorrow:
BERKELEY.

xoxo
caitlin

SOMEBODY PLASE TAKE ME TO JUNGLELAND

OBAMA08

for one of the first times i can remember, i am proud to be an american.


I AM READY FOR CHANGE


xoxo
caitlin

rain

today was the first rain of the season, which means soon it will be snowing in Tahoe, which means soon it will be time for snow boarding.


Ming and i basically hiked a mountian today in the pouring rain, it was crazy. it stopped raing for a bit though and i got a few good shots. i am in love with this weather right now. it reminds me of new england. halloween last night was pretty fun. basically ming, illiana, and i got a million cans for Halloween For Hunger. it was awesome, we got candy and and we feed the hungry! then we layed around on my floor for a long time with cassandra and aaron and pretty much listened to aaron talk about his insane life. we didn't end up crashing any of the parties we were actaully invited to though, but it was still pretty fun.






xoxo,
caitlin

vote

one more reason why bruce springsteen is my hero.

...

east coast loving
new england life
snow
fall
winter
take me.

xoxo
caitlin

falling out

everything seems to be falling apart all around me.
i am the middle of finding my way out of here.
chasing clouds to the east.

xoxo
caitlin

i want

if it were not difficult nothing would satisfy.

that is so true. i need more challenges. i need more exploring. i want to see the world. i want to do something i would have never imagined myself capable of doing. i want to create. i want to wonder. i want to know.

but more than anything, i want someone to do it with.

xoxo
caitlin

67

i think i temporarily lost my camera. oh man.
band camp is fun. i love music. i love friends. the tenor sax is an amazing instrument.

i slept for about 10 hours last night. it's amazing how more clearly you think with sleep. i should do away with insomnia. i think i also need to stop letting people get to me. i mean really i do care a lot. i'm not going to be one of those people who runs around and screams it to the world and wears it on tee-shirts and other stuff like that. but really, i do care. and i do love you.

xoxo
caitlin

oh, and maybe i will start to post some pictures soon.

think

i always do what i believe is right for me, or at least i try to. some people criticize me, some people applaud me. more often than not whether they do so is a reflection of their opinion and usually shallow understanding of who i am as a person. or at least who i am striving to be. i am not the "nice girl" all the time that is always happy and always kind no matter what. but that does not mean i am the "egotistical jerk" just because i stick up for myself and don't always do what others want me to. there are so many traits and aspects that make up "me" that i won't even spend time describing them. and i would hope that everyone else would consider themselves the same in that regard. we are not always happy. we are not always sad. we are not always angry or mean or spiteful or gentle or kind or patient or silly or immature or wise or good in the way other people define good or bad in the way other people define bad. we are never any of those things all the time. in fact, i tend to think we are all those things to certain people at certain times.

xoxo
caitlin

too early

i have to leave the house at 5:50 tomorrow morning.
john and and brad are over.
i'm getting no sleep.

xoxo
caitlin

star

i built a rocket ship ot of tin cans and coat hangers.
climb with me to the farthest branch of the tallest tree.
that's where all the stars hide.

xoxo
cailtin

adam raised a cain

sleep is so unproductive.
insomnia feels so sweet.
i'm baking vegan food and watching movies with lauren tomorrow. life is good.


"In the Bible Cain slew Abel
and East of Eden he was cast
You're born into this life paying
for the sins of somebody else's past
Daddy worked his whole life for nothing but the pain
Now he walks these empty rooms looking for something to blame
You inherit the sins, you inherit the flames
Adam raised a Cain"

you say you want a revolution

well you know, we all want to change the world. it's not that i don't believe that good things are on their way. i just want to know all of the facts. i'm not going to be brain washed like almost everyone else in my generation. we need to be careful, this is history we're messing with.

"hey i found the safest place to keep all our tenderness, to keep all our bad ideas, to keep all our hope. it's here in the smallest bones, the feet and the inner ear. it's such an enormous thing to walk and to listen"

xoxo
caitlin

backstreets

soy dream ice cream makes bad days happy days.
springsteen is getting crazy with his sets.

"One soft infested summer me and Terry became friends
Trying in vain to breathe the fire we was born in
Catching rides to the outskirts tying faith between our teeth
Sleeping in that old abandoned beach house getting wasted in the heat
And hiding on the backstreets, hiding on the backstreets
With a love so hard and filled with defeat
Running for our lives at night on them backstreets"

xoxo
caitlin

today.

anonymous text messages.
illegal car rides.
vegan cupcakes.
annoying brothers.
relatives from hawaii.
broken record players.
expired film.
digital cameras.
bikes.
old mix tapes.
lost soccer games.
peppermint candies.


what a day.

xoxo
caitlin

waiting

what am i doing here without you?
i want to go somewhere completely new.
where is the summer going?


"oh caitlin, are you still waiting?"
i am i am, and i love this part
"oh caitlin, are you still waiting?"
i am i am, and i'll sing my heart
i will wait for you, and i always will

xoxo
caitlin

.

sleep is so unproductive.
i am going to build a time machine.
i am a robot.

if i could i would

there is a block party in oregon i am supposed to be at right now. sorry jason, but it's too far of a bike ride away. i am getting a little bit sick of being stuck here.

tomorrow i go to the city though. hopefully hit a few thrift stores. i'm looking for an old polaroid camera. i can't believe they are discontinuing the production of polaroid film. soon it will be all film. digital will take over. that will be a sad, sad day. no art deserves to die, ever.

xoxo
caitlin

i swear i will do it

i think i am going to ride my bike to the east coast, and just camp along the way.
i'm only bringing tents, guitars, and friends.
who is with me? i promise it will be a lot more fun than going back to school.

xoxo
caitlin

lifelifeLIFE

today was really such a great day. i woke up super early to watch the sunrise, i don't even know why, i just decided before i went to bed last night i needed to do it. it was so beautiful and inspiring. then i decided to go on a walk, so i just walked to my mom's house. i don't know why, but i was just appreciating everything about the world, how beautiful it is. on the way to my moms house a stranger running by told me good morning, man, stuff like that just makes my day. then i spent the whole rest of the day just hanging out with friends and listening to records. i got to talk to my new friend jason this morning as well, he's up in olympia on tour now. man, he is such an inspiration. life is such an inspiration.

favorite quote of the day:
[on the topic of who is more lame]
me: well, i watched the Lizzie McGuire Movie yesterday, that's pretty lame
frannie: i watched the Princess Diaries
me: so
frannie: no, the second one.
me: you win

xoxo
caitlin

What a funny funny life

today was a pretty weird day. the weather was really weird, i mean it was all cold and windy. it felt sort of like the fall time in new england. man, i love new england so much, i want to move there. new hampshire, massachuttes, and maine are so beautiful. i want to ride bikes through them all day long.

i also got pretty mad at a few not important things, which ruined my good day. i hate when bad things destroy the good things. it's like all good things and good moments must end, but then again that does not mean you can't get those moments back. you know those moments, those days, that you wish would never end? man, i live for those days, where everything seems to go perfectly, where everything seems okay. but i think the fact that we know they must end pushes us to create more amazing moments, pushes us to live our lives to the fullest we can every single day. it pushes us to realize that everything can be taken away at any moment, and if we don't appreciate what we have, and tell the people we love that we love them we might never get a second chance. i don't know, i'm rambling now, but i've just realized a lot of things recently. any night can be the best night of your life. i didn't used to know that, but now i do. i really have to thank my new friend jason anderson for opening my eyes to the world.

that was longer than it was supposed to be, but it barely scratched the surface of what has been going through my mind recently. you know, it's a funny, funny life to watch develope.

xoxo
caitlin

unlimted enthusiasm

oh man. these past few days have been really amazing. Unlimted Enthusiasm Expo 2008 San Francisco was so good! man i mean really, so much fun. Jason Anderson is awesome. i mean it is not that often that i find someone to talk Springsteen with me who doesn't get bored. or who doesn't only listen to Nebraska or Born in the USA. The shows were just like an explosion of music and love and fun. there need to be more shows like that. Everyone was so awesome. Monsterface was wild. Math the Band was crazy. Jason was just amazing. Potters were awesome as always. Really those two shows were sick. especially saturday. i mean Jasons set was just great! the band was so on, and the energy was just so good.



everyone was very nice house guests too. thank you Paul, Joe, John, Kevin, Justine, Zach, Marty, Dan, and Emily for being awesome. i don't know how you guys ate that vermonster. Paul is just an ice cream eating machine.



jason anderson- www.myspace.com/jasonandersonisawesome

math the band- www.myspace.com/maththeband

uncle monsterface- www.myspace.com/unclemonsterface

harry nad the potters- www.myspace.com/harryandthepotters

http://www.unlimitedenthusiasm.com/






xoxo
caitlin

oh, why hello

my first entry. well, i guess i should start by just saying hello.

tomorrow i head into the city. today i just have soccer.

you know, i wish my life could be like a bruce springsteen song. at least for a day. who knows, maybe i really was born to run.


"Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we're young
'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run"
--Bruce Springsteen

xoxo
caitlin